Love and Respect By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Have you ever go throughed for your lost keys in the akin place over and over again only to find prohibited they were thither in front of your scene the whole time? Or have you ever looked e verywhere for the pen or pencil that you had every last(predicate) day only to find it behind your ear at the destination of the day? This is how I felt when I read Love and obeisance by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.The running theme of this book is slicey marriages argon heavy due to the fact that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. What I am wording here is that a simple misunderstanding causes the strain. manpower fatiguet grasp what women are emotional state when they are act to express themselves and, yes, its true women are in the same plight concerning men. Husbands arent feeling reputeed by their wives when, in turn, wives arent feeling contendd by their married mans.Eggerin states there are three study musical rhythms to the exhibit of Love and Respect. The first s tave is named the crazy oscillation. So named because the married man and married woman end up with the same negative results for the same reason over and over again and the hertz continues until the couple decides to break the cycle. The second cycle is coined the energizing cycle.The couple has now over seed the vicious crazy cycle and female genitalia work toward encouraging atomic number 53 another with the go to bed and take to be each(prenominal) spouse deserves. Finally, the third cycle is known as the rewarded cycle. This cycle emphasizes the fact that no matter the response of the spouse, your reward is in heaven. I leave elaborate on these three cycles and the foundation for the fate for neck and respect in a marriage.Let me elaborate on how Eggerin came to the epiphany of the need for love and respect in a healthy marriage. First, if we look at the supremacy of the twelve step programs ranging from co-dependency to food disorders to chemical addictions, we ca n come to one conclusion as to their success. They work because they are based on one person with the same problem helping another.Oddly, Dr. Eggerich had the advantage, for lack of a better word, of watching his parents marriage disintegrate because of the lack of respect and love in it. Interestingly, Eggerich shares his difficulties in his marriage and the difficulty he had with marriage counsel from the start as well. He may have his PhD precisely his success concerning marriage counseling is due largely to the fact that he and his married woman had the same struggles many couples jazz.There was a lot of stumbling through cycles of misunderstandings between Emerson and his married woman, Sarah. He forgot her birthday one year. After a Bible learning group one night, Sarahs voice grew louder and louder on the way dental plate trying to get through to Emerson concerning his standoffish quiet demeanor. Emerson felt disrespected and go against and he said to her You can be rig ht but defile at the top of your voice. (p.11)One day, for the thousandth time, he read Ephesians 53333 Nevertheless tlet each one of you in picky so love his own married woman as himself, and let the wife see that she urespects her husband.1Thats when it hit him. It was right in front of his face every time he read it but this time, it truly resonated. He had never seen the connection between love and respect but this time, he did. He came to the realization that a husband is to obey the govern to love his wife, flush if the wife does not obey the command to respect the husband. Also, the wife is to respect her husband even if the husband does not obey the command to love his wife. So, the connection is love and respect.There are two reasons why love and respect are primary needs. He discusses his personal experience of coming to this understanding from a husbands point of view. When disagreements occur, the husband perceives that the wife is haughty or disrespectful toward hi m. This, in turn, causes the husband to shut down or blow up at her and the wife does not receive an face of love (p.17). After years of counseling married couples, I envisage it is safe to hang your hat on Eggerins theory.The crazy cycle is a down to earth approach to a problem that started at the decay of man. If not broken, this cycle will tear a marriage to pieces. Often, the man is not even aware that it actually is disrespect that the wife is transport toward him. On the other hand, the wife doesnt understand why her husband is not expressing his love toward her.The steps toward breaking the crazy cycle are sightly as simple as the realization that it exists. One major component is communication. Learning how to express our feelings in a respectful fortify is very important. The communication code is discussed. He uses a funny puny example of how men and women communicate in code. When a wife says I have vigor to wear, she actually center I have no occasion new. When a man says, I have nothing to wear, he means I have nothing clean. This is an example of the code that needs to be broken in order for couples to scat past the crazy cycle.I believe another important thing to mention concerning the crazy cycle is unconditional respect. It is vital for women and men to see that respect is not earned, but given. Eggerson uses an example of a boss in the workplace. He basically says that even if you dont feel respect for your boss, you still show respect for him or her. This is an example of unconditional respect. I suppose we can look at it this way as well, we are to give respect, expecting nothing in upshot. Just the same, we are to give love expecting nothing in return and both love and respect are reciprocal. They feed off of each other.The second cycle that Eggerson discusses is the energizing cycle. This is the cycle in which application is essential in order to stay off of the crazy cycle and move forward. There are two separate partitions d evoted to husbands and wives respectively. Each section contains an acronym 1) Couple and 2) Chairs for the wives.The acronym for couple is Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty and Esteem. To elaborate, a wife indirect requests her husband to be close and there is a biblical standard for this as well. genesis 224 says, the husband shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh. She also wants her man to open up to her or to tell her whats happening inside of him and not shut her down when she asks if something is wrong. Sometimes a wife just wants her husband to listen and not to try and doctor up her problems for her.This is where understanding comes into play. She desires to be at peace and she wants to hear her husband say that hes sorry some times. Take initiative and supplicate with her after apologizing. She also needs to know that you arent going anywhere and that you are committed to her. Loyalty is very important in a marriage. If her friend s are upset with her, be there. Even if she is wrong, a husband can still be loyal to his wife by being there for her in her time of need. She wants you esteem her as well. Read the Song of Solomon and endure special attention to the esteem and love that the man bestows on the Shulamite.For the women, the acronym for chairs is Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, and Sexuality. Respecting a husband is appreciating his desire to work and to achieve. This is not referring to the archaic definition. It merely refers to encouraging a husband in his achievements at work and in biography and with the family. The hierarchy is to take account his desire to protect and provide. Eggerichs says that we need to keep in mind this is not a chauvinists construct but it is one thing that gives a man purpose.I kind of look at it in the way Christ defines hierarchy and that is that the least will be great in the kingdom of heaven. Men desire to be in part and there are times tha t it is okay for a wife to appreciate that. Also, appreciate the wisdom and insight your husband has and his desire to analyze and counsel. following comes relationship. I know that its hard to understand that sometimes husbands just want you in the same room with them, but its true.They dont always want to talk about something. Sometimes, they just want their wives with them. Finally, the taboo of Christianity, finishuality Appreciating his desire for sexual intimacy is also very important. Nothing seems to break a man down more than to call in physical intimacy from a relationship.Finally, the third cycle is fairly straightforward. It is a biblical concept through and through. There is no doubt as to whether or not Jesus practiced this concept in His spiritedness history on this earth. The cycle is called the rewarded cycle. Notice it says rewarded. This is referring to the fact that it is done. No matter the husband or wifes response, the reward for the obedient servant is e ternal. It is stored in heaven. If a husband pours his love and gives all that he has for his wife, his reward is in heaven. There is no response necessary in order for the husband to be rewarded. If his wife is completely disrespectful then he will still receive his reward and vice-versa for a wife.This book has opened my eyeball to a whole new reality concerning those who carry the opposite sex and myself. In the long run, there is no reason to give up on a marriage that is not working because of miscommunication and confusion. If we practice humility and recognize the need for biblical truth in married life then anything is possible. t Col. 319 u 1 Pet. 31, 6 1The New King James Version. 1996, c1982 . Thomas Nelson Nashville